isang pagbati....

alleluia! alleluia! si kristo ay nabuhay muli para sa ating kaligtasan! nalulugod ang aming mga puso sa kanyang kabutihan at pangako. mula sa aming tatlo, pinaabot namin ang pagbati ng maligayang pasko ng pagkabuhay!! nawa'y punan ang inyong mga puso ng kaligayahan at katahimikan. :-)

on betrayal....

at this very moment there's this one word that keeps on creeping into my mind. it's the word BETRAYAL. judas iscariot's betrayal of jesus is of course very familiar to all of us and at the same time very troubling. indeed... it is very troubling. i know because i had been betrayed as well. and God knows how betrayal hurts so much from people who says love you. and i've been asking myself, who's going to betray me next?

semana santa. . .

mahal na araw, semana santa, banal na araw… anuman ang tawag natin hindi pa rin nagbabago ang tradisyon at obligasyon nating mga katoliko. isa na ang pag-ayuno sa mga bagay na nakakapagbigay saya sa ating katawan, pagtalikod sa mga bagay na materyal, sa gawang mababa at tiwali, taimtim at buong pusong pagdarasal, pangungumpisal, ang tapat na pagbibigay ng ating sarili at pagsuko sa kanya ng ating mga paghihirap para sa paghahanda sa misteryo ng hapis at ng tuwa. ginagawa natin ito upang maalala natin ang paghihirap ni hesukristo para sa ating mga kasalanan at maihikayat ang ating sarili sa buhay na malugod at ispirituwal. ibat iba ang pagunawa at pagpapahalaga natin sa okasyong ito gaya na rin ng pagkakaiba natin sa pagsunod sa kanyang mga utos at sa landas na ating tinatahak. sadyang tanging sarili lang natin ang maliwanag na makakasulyap sa totoong saloobin, sampalataya at pag aninag sa ating panginoon. ngunit sa ating puso at isip, nag-uumigting ang kagustuhang tahakin ang landas ng pagpapakabanal. maligayang pasko ng pagkabuhay sa inyong lahat!

i thrive in april

april has come and spring has started niggling my brain, making me excited about the plans i have. i always regard spring as a season of change and transition which I believe is true for both humans and nature. for nature, the transition is from a lifeless landscape to plants shooting off green buds from the branches and birds starting to chirp and flutter by. for us humans, we normally transform ...ourselves to a better person and we tend to make our perspective even larger. we correct our emotional spills and make ourselves stronger in facing adversities.

i was born on april and will be growing another year older in a few weeks time. and yet no matter how many april birthdays i celebrated, i remain to feel young. i guess the growth i see around and the brightness and vibrance of the season have always helped put myself in a positive and happy disposition in life. i like thriving in spring and i always wait for this season every year. the month is about the promise of spring fulfilled, but also the promise of things to come and has always been given a romantic image of showers and flowers typifying colours and births. it's all about brightness and cheerfulness around and being free because it promises outdoor activities with friends and families.

change and transition in my life will be constant as i breathe. every day is meant to coming into terms with my flaws and improve it and think as well what are the flaws i want to keep. it is springing up over and over again. as i always say, i remain growing... happy april everyone!!

spring has sprung!

stepped out of the office smiling when the warmth of sun touched my skin and my smile was like on steroids for it didn’t fade for some time. university students were all out basking under the sun. mats and towels spread out on a still damp grassy ground and they learn and play all at the same time, wearing sun hats, shorts, flip flops, sun dress and what not! spring has truly arrived. this  post would show how I appreciate its coming!

better days...

my week has started to get better and better as it simmers and i promise to be at the top of my game for the next coming weeks. the brisk buzz of spring is in the air (thank god!) though the weather remains cool. i could feel the excitement as i imagine the possibilities that lie ahead. although the current situation isn't all what i want, i am steadfast to take bold steps in the direction of my dreams.

celebrating women. . .

again we’re in celebration of the day when crucial steps towards gender equality were made. this year international women's day marks 100 years since it’s first March 19, 1911 in austria, denmark, germany and switzerland. the decision t...o observe this day happened in 1910 at the second international conference of working women held in copenhagen where it was proposed that every year in every country to celebrate and to press for various demands made by women. being a feminist, i’d would always mark the day by sharing titles from my archives which might give you answers to some perinnial questions about gender equality. happy reading and happy women’s day!

ain't i a woman- the book is about intersectionality and the manner racism and sexism correlates and interacts. the book was written from a more scholarly and historical perspective.

singled out - talks about the lives of women during world war 2 and n deals with the generation of unmarried women that followed world war 1.

virgin - blank explores the historical roots of virginity as a cultural construct and some of its present day ramifications. this construct is inextricably linked to attempts to control women’s sexuality.

this thing called "expectation"

expectation, unrealistic or not, doesn't hurt. it is the unwilling heart that does. while people tend to lower their expectation each time it isn't met, i don't change mine. expectation inspires me. it is the force that pushes me to give my best. without it i have nothing to dream and hope for. if every heart is willing, loving and giving, definitely expectation wouldn't be thought as the culprit. but reality shows that that is not the case, and for me, this is one sad part of living.

how to love a woman. . .

I WISH ALL MEN THINK LIKE BOB MARLEY (ON HOW TO LOVE A WOMAN) “You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect – you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her... and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break – her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there. - Bob Marley”

philippine's shining moment in miss universe pageant

pagkatapos ni gloria maria diaz (1969) and maria margarita moran (1973) na naging miss universe, wala pang sumunod sa kanila. gusto ko lang ibahagi sa inyo ang napakagandang sagot ni moran na ipinanalo nia:

what’s the difference between being miss Universe and being a filipina?

"being miss universe is like having a birthstone, you may lose it. being a Filipina is like having a birthmark, its forever." – m. moran (miss universe 1973)

magazine rack made out of brown planters

 i found a use for my 2 brown planters which have been lying around for sometime in my balcony. i knew i would have some use for it so i kept them aside until today when i attached them together, spray painted and decorated for use as a magazine rack. it's just feels awesome each time my hands and brain do something creative!! ;-)

wire the bottom of the planters to attach them








spray painted with yellow and orange to add colours












added a plastic pine leaves and cone

run a ribbon around the attached bottoms of the planters

here you go!! a magazine rack made out of plastic planters.

one foggy day. . .

foggy day, foggy head: woke up this morning a bed head

foggy day, foggy head: rushed to work, 10 minutes late
foggy day, foggy head: made errors 5 times writing biz letters
foggy day, foggy head: send job requests to the wrong department
foggy day, foggy head: couldn't find the pad where i wrote on an important note
foggy day, foggy head: searched through my garbage can to find that note
foggy day, foggy head: went out to get a java and found out no moolah
foggy day, foggy head: forgot to do an important personal banking
foggy day, foggy head: got no umbrella and it was raining

it's now 9:30 pm and my head remain floating into a sort of dark labrynth of a maze. guess you now know how my day did go. none to worry though cuz i'm good, a bit tired so. tomorrow no more sluggish synapses i hope. only hap-hap-happy and snap-snap-snappy!!

happy birthday dearest sister. . .

•♥•♥•♥•♥an in memorial post for my one and only sister elena (aka: amnah) who passed away 10 years ago. remembering her golden year had she remained alive today.


i remain to say your name as it always was and laugh and smile at the fun things we enjoyed together. you may be out of sight but could never be out of my heart. i miss you so much and i know you're happy in your heavenly home. happy birthday manang. with much love, your sis bonette and your two nieces neil and cai.•♥•♥•♥•♥

luv the way you treated me dear august....

they say things that happen in life either good or bad is something to thank for. our days in july have passed by tremendously well. munchkins and i have spent so much fun time together. i gave them time off from their piano lessons after the music festival.

sharing this piece of thought. . .

i have been described by a friend as a person who always feels a need to explain or to do something in order to prove my point or justify what i believe. oftentimes it's either that my prattle would end up into a debate or others would thought of me as being so much enamored of myself and of what i know. deep inside though all i wanted out of that deed is to simply interact, open a conversation and share my thoughts. a week ago i ran through this thought from a newspaper which caught my attention. it reads.....

the more you talk, the less you will say. the more you think the less you will understand. the more you struggle, the less you will achieve. the more you worry, the less you will enjoy life. we are not obliged to communicate with one another. we do not have to stretch our intellect to maximum capacity. there is no law that says we must keep on making things happen or that our lives mean less if we don't. it is, though, essential to be happy. and this is perfectly possible despite all we fear.

thought well taken...:-)

$1,000 blessing for munchkins. . .

munchkins always look forward to the coming of this season - summer. summer means school has ended. no homework, no quizzes. it's not that they didn't like school. they just dread the monotonous routine they get into from morning till afternoon and the dull uniforms they wear everyday. camps, field trips, outdoors also signify the season and i am tasked to sign them up for day camps for the entire two months starting july until the end of august. this summer though, it's going to be different for them. their activities will be a mixture of camps that was offered by the community centre and by a private organization.

on thursday, april 14, the program and education coordinator of the royal ontario museum, which is among world’s leading museums of natural history, and of world cultures, confirmed to me by email that cerniel and cailean have been awarded a $ 1,000 worth of subsidy. from july 18 to 29 they will be joining other children in ROM's summer club camp for its World Beat program.

the feeling was unexplainable when i received the great news. i couldn't help not to tear up as i read the email while feeling so blessed and privileged for the opportunity they have afforded my girls. and being the recipient of this blessing, my girls and i will definitely keep the blessing working by also being the source of blessing to other people.

with sincere gratitude. . .

silence. . .

some people are just very apt in provoking my emotion. i am unsure though of their purpose for pushing my sensitive buttons. it is really upsetting though when they do. it’s up to me if I choose to react or to remain impassive and not cater to what they are trying to get from me. silence is my best ally and this is my own way of making them stop

gratitude. . . .

thank you God for the gift of being able to listen closely to life. even in the peaceful throb of my heart i could hear you speak softly of truth for me. that voice within me serves my shield, my comfort and my perception, and in times of doubt and insecurity. i am in deep gratitude for letting me use that voice for my personal growth.

happy birthday dearest mother!

to the strongest and bravest woman i've ever known....

distance could never stop me from thinking and loving you

thank you mama  for always being there for me.

for your expressions of  love and comfort
for your guidance and mostly for sharing me your life.

happy 76th birthday my dearest mother!!

middle ground. . .

finding a middle ground between

 feeling free

and

meeting my obligations.

feather on munchkins' caps. . .

wednesday last week, a tinge of worry snuck up on me which dragged me down as mid day approaches. the rest of my working hours were punctuated by deep sighs but no complaints. it was just "one of those days" kind of thing that hovers around momentarily and moves on eventually. life has a way though of helping me out cope and opening up time-tested reasons to cheer up. these are my beliefs.

i wrapped up work conscientiously and dashed out fast not to beat the 5 o'clock rush but more of want to get to the babysitter's house where my munchkins stay after school. i wanted badly to see them and to hear their voices say "good afternoon mommy". at pick up they greeted me with lilting voices and eyes sparkling with excitement to tell me something. "we have a surprise mommy!" they said. on our way home i indulged to the cute snippets of hints they asked me to guess. i was also required to close my eyes, no peeking allowed, until they put out that "surprise thingy magingy" right in front of me. i obliged as i sat on the couch in anticipation. i was more than willing to do what they asked me.  turned out that my girls' strengths and efforts have been recognized by the school and was given a an award in language arts.  they were beaming with pride as they show me their certificates.

their presence, the strengths inside them, and the surprise worked hand in hand and turned my mood around and, as well, reminded me of my own strengths.

congratulations dearest munchkins!! job well done!

april 2011 thoughts. . .

april - my birth month. a month of spring and it's the time when we see the re-birth of the colours and sounds of nature. new growths on the soil and trees unfurl and the golden tones of sunlight have started to embrace our skin. i join nature in the growth and re-birth process with my mind pregnant with significant thoughts, when i grow another year older in a few weeks time. i am going to celebrate the special occasion starting now through reflection and re-affirmation of self.

with another year to my age do i get wiser? it is not inevitable. i continue to learn about life. i want to grow stronger and to be more adept in identifying priorities of life. i would like to explore myself more and the many ways to connect with others. change is something that i will always accept because that is a motion for me to grow. life will forever be a challenge, some things are meant that way. using time and thought and hardwork, i can deal with the challenge and the experiences will be considered a meaningful lesson amazingly learned.

i am april.... i am still growing.

change and expectation. . .

i always have expectations in all things including myself. while most people tend to lower their expectations each time they are not met, i don’t change mine. i look at expectations as something to hope for. it is a force that pushes me to give my best. i expect that i perform admirably to my commitments and use my energies to some creative use. along with that though, i expect that i will be misunderstood or my actions will be misinterpreted by others. if this happens, my recourse is not to feel frustrated. instead, I bravely take any blame and consider it as an opportunity to grow. for today,  i’ll bear in mind that I need to be careful on how I go about expressing myself and check whether or not my energies are actually behind my actions.

i want unsuperficial and profound changes in my life. i am resolved though not to force things to materialize and progress but to just indulge on how my ideas run through my mind even if these ideas don’t give huge  results at this time. i believe in hard work but I also believe in chance and on intuition. if nothing happens despite efforts,  i find it more sensible to retreat until I am ready to assert myself again. i believe that life and difficulties sometimes move on by itself. the essence of transformation is not to fight it but just allow it to exist and happen.

i hope and pray to succeed in everything that I do today and to the coming days ahead.

social suicide. . .

september of 2009, after some intense, ceaseless prodding from friends, i caved in to being on facebook. i thought, what the heck! i needed it somehow, to network with my former classmates for our high school grand reunion. my list grew and the last thing i knew i have been exchanging views with my nephews, nieces, cousins and even childhood friends i haven't connected with for ages. few weeks ago i made a bitter-sweet decision to withdraw from the site. friends were sad and understood. although a week before i deactivated my account i bragged on my wall on the goodness of fb-ing . my comments were true and sincere. i did find a local community to hang out for few minutes or so and just be there, enjoy some virtual company to while away my time especially at night. there are also a number of people in my list that are a joy to follow. while its main purpose is to get in touch, i realize, as i went along with the process of greeting and responding to statuses, i was also building a commitment which at first i was able to fulfill and keep up with the rest. as time wore on especially in my invariably hectic life, i could now hardly catch up with it. i miss my fb friends though.... and that comes from the bottom of my heart.

it's not like i've commited a form of a social suicide. i'm still very much around though in the web. if i want to update the world with whatever is on my mind, i have my blog. i remain sharing videos via you tube and if i want to connect with my friends and family, i have email and other methods of keeping in touch.

the breaking point though why i got out of fb is very personal and will not be divulged here anymore. for now, i will devote my time to my blog where there is no commitment and where i am in complete control. i'll linger around as it had been before until the diaspora comes out for my social networkings needs.

i might be back there at some point. who knows?

spirited and unique. . .

few days ago, i have been feeling quiet, somber, realistic and contained. it seems i see things pessimistically than usual. i knew though that this dark mood is temporary. because today i feel i’m charged with new energy, vitality, and sense of purpose, capable of forceful, decisive action. i feel great, physically and my energy is flowing smoothly. my interactions with others are feisty and spirited and I’m glad that I’m able to inspire others to take action. the group efforts or joint projects which i'm involved are favored. it’s a must that i need to keep moving and to appreciate myself as a unique individual. the future is brighter than the past. while the present might not be so bad, i see it as a gateway for now. it’s also a must for me take a break. . . soon!

i am fire. i am an arien. . . .

- - brave, strong willed. seldom back down. determined and driven to achieve goals. warm hearted, take risk, passionate. stubborn about things i believe in. direct and straightforward. assertive and i know what i want. love challenges. inspiring to others. exuberant, expressive, generous, protective, adventurous, fun-loving, creative, energized, and devoted.sensual, physical, lustful.temperamental, possessive, inconsiderate, reckless, fickle, open-hearted, high-spirited, pioneering, vain, feisty, and impatient.

i can live without romance. for me, not getting on without romance is not same as not being able to live without a man. in my heart i will always be yearning for that someone special. thinking about him is my idea of romance. i do anything and everything myself, without needing any male help. i have total confidence in my abilities. i have to leave and be the first to do anything. this kind of independence though does not go well with the male ego.

i chase after the love of my life even to the point of risking my own life. but once the love fires stop burning don't expect me to stick around. if the passion is gone, they are gone.

when i search a man, i search the one who does not chase or likes me. i wait for the one i can't have. i can survive even the toughest of circumstances alone and i can come back even after the most gruesome tragedies. i can play the role of a female perfectly and, at the same time, can do everything that a man can do.

i don't like flattery. i like sincere compliments. once i commit to someone, i will be extremely sentimental and loyal. don't dominate me and don't let me dominate you. either of the extremes, i will not be able to tolerate. give me reasons to be proud of you, but do not forget to praise me too. i am generous to the faults.

i enjoy a lively discussion of theater, music, politics, or even more esoteric subjects such as history, art, or philosophy.

my expectations are too high, but i will also give you double in return. i love to lead and hate to follow.

don't make me angry. if i get hurt, i will become as cold as ice and this may last an entire lifetime. if you find yourself in a verbal fight with me, you better come fully armed because i will be ready to tear apart every word that comes my way. if you are good to me i will be extremely kind, tender, loyal and supportive.

i am more comfortable with men than women. i am possessive, but i don't like to be possessed. i want my freedom and your complete trust. if i'm committed to you, you have no reasons to doubt my loyalty and sincerity. i am much too truthful to be involved with two people at the same time. i will first break up the relationship that is not working.

jealousy has a different meaning to me. my idea of jealousy does not relate to people or to the same sex but to the things that are supposed to be offered to me only. anything that you do for me should remain exclusive for me.

i am extremely passionate and believes in forever-lasting relationships. though this leave me disillusioned many a times. i don't play games and is incapable of deceit. i am nothing if not simple, innocent and very emotional. i love challenges and believe in miracles. i never learn from my mistakes and is likely to fall in the same hole again.

love for me means sharing and that means sharing everything, right from my emotions and material things. respect me, always and never try to dampen my zeal, or i will be hurt. my romantic nature tends to be very intense. i need to learn self-control or much trouble and annoyance are likely to be the bane of any long term partnership.

though i try to show that i am strong, i am as innocent and as vulnerable. be there to comfort me when in pain. if you stand up to me when i come to you like this, you will never ever lose me. i will never forgive you if you fail to fight for me. i am a complete woman, who gets hurt easily and is totally innocent.
in return, i will always be there with you, even if i have to go against the whole world. i am a caring mother, who makes no unnecessary fuss and sparks children's imagination.

i have a bad temper, but it will go away as quickly as it came and leave no grudges behind.though i am a little impulsive and bossy, i will give you complete security, fight against the world for you and be yours forever!bring your problems to me. i like being asked for advice. i am generous with my time, counsel, money, and sympathy.

i like extremes. physical, emotional and mental, and benefit profoundly by experiencing them; but if my extremism goes too far beyond social acceptability, i expect to be extremely lonely.

i am fire. i am aries.... i am the good and the bad.

sulk, frown, complain. . .

i can frown if i like. i don't need to put on a happy, cheerful face. i can feel free to sulk, dwell on the dark side and complain as much as i want to. it won't make a difference anyway because i believe that one day i will catch sunshine and there will be something out there that is going to uplift me. there will only be gladness and that will not allow any other point of focus to take priority. i don't know what it is but something will sort something out and whatever worries me will all turn a distant memory.

undistributed relief goods for the needy

as me and my friends are currently involved in soliciting help for the victims of typhoon in our country, we have been doing research and keeping in touch with people and organizations back home. jimmy who is one of the members of readphilippines forwarded an email to me. i just got back from my office after being away for three days with a hope that my morning will start nicely. that didn't come true after i've seen photos and i've given the reality of what's happening with the relief goods that came from various countries. it gave me a headache. i felt angry, nauseatingly upset and sorry for the thousands of filipino people who are cold and hungry, when in fact they shouldn't. i could only help spread the word which i am doing now. and i hope you'll do the same. the photos of the undistributed relief goods are under the title "let the pictures do the talking". see for yourself.

***

A blogger named Ella wrote about her experience volunteering for the Department of Social Welfare and Development (DSWD), and discovering that a lot of relief good are being kept in a warehouse and not actually being given to typhoon victims.You know what really got to me are the toys. WTF are they going to do with the toys they're keeping in the warehouse?? This makes me so mad.I don't understand their being selective of what goes out to the victims. They will withhold imported sleepsacks and release banigs only.Take a look at the care package packed by the mother packers of Moms For Moms. This is a sample package that went out to babies in Laguna.



If Ella's allegations are all true, we're hoping someone will pressure DSWD to release the goods and explain themselves.

Aanhin pa ang damo kung patay na ang kabayo? (A special report from a volunteer)Oct 21st, 2009 by ella

Dear friends,

I’m asking your help to spread the word. Tulungan po ninyo akong ikalat ito. Beyond this, we should also demand action. I disabled a plugin so you can copy the photos of relief goods rotting in DSWD warehouses. You can link this post to your blogs, facebook, websites etc. You can also email the photos. Philippine News (US based Philippine newspaper) will use this as its front page story this week. Every Filipino has the right to know where the tons of donations from the UN and other counties go. Kahit po nakakahiya sa mga nag-donate. Kung sa ganitong paraan, matutulungan natin ang mga nasalanta, then by all means, let’s do it. For those who have the time, please try to volunteer sa DSWD warehouses. Getting in was not easy. A friend had to put in a word for us. Let’s see kung madali nang makapasok sa DSWD warehouse ang mga volunteers.

Please read on and good luck to us.
Ella

*********

(This post was last edited Oct 22, 12:30 pm)
Kahapon, tinanong ng Philippine News si DSWD Secretary Esperanza Cabral:
Editor of Philippine News: Why are the relief goods in DSWD warehouses not moving?
DSWD Secretary Esperanza Cabral: Wala kasing volunteers.
This short interview was done over the phone. Philippine News wanted to hear her side pero ayaw niyang makipag-usap sa press. After four tries, pinasabi na lang niya ang maikling sagot na ito sa secretary niya - “Walang volunteers”. I don’t want to accuse her of corruption but at the very least she is showing signs of being totally incompetent. We are in a state of calamity where every second counts. May namamatay araw-araw dahil sa sakit. In my opinion, these deaths could have been prevented if Secretary Cabral had tried a little harder to do her job. DON'T FORGET TO CLICK HERE

Deaths from Philippine storms nears 1,000

“Tropical Storm Ketsana left 420 dead and 37 missing when it flooded 80 percent of Manila on September 26, a disaster the government said affected 4.35 million people.Some areas are still flooded three weeks later and 189,000 people remain in evacuation centres,Typhoon Parma hit the northern Philippines on October 3 and lingered as a tropical storm for a week, triggering landslides that killed 438 people and leaving 51 missing mostly in mountain communities.The government agency said Parma affected 4.16 million people, including more than 32,000 who remain at evacuation centres.”

• • •During the first week after the storm, lumabas ang “bayanihan spirit” ng mga Pinoy. “Makatulong lang kahi’t konti,” katwiran nila.Kung walang volunteers, ano ‘to, komiks?

From Stella Arnaldo’s blog:“At the offices of many civic groups and private organizations, hundreds of people showed up to volunteer in packing relief goods.At the Tulong Bayan center at the Expo Centro in Cubao, Most of the volunteers were adolescents as young as 10 years old, along with their kuya or ate in high school and college.They came in huge numbers, many of them barkadas, classmates or siblings, dressed just in their tees and shorts, wearing their Havaianas. All were just enthusiastic to do their share!

Even grade school kids pitched in to help! Youth volunteers repack detergents for distribution. Making beds from carton boxes. SEE PHOTOS HERE


GMA asked world for donations.Our government begged the world for more donations. Sumagot ang buong mundo sa ating panawagan. In less than three weeks, dumaong ang mga barko, ibinaba mula sa mga cargo planes, i-diniliver ng mga trak at container vans ang sandamakmak na relief goods. Cash donations were in the millions of dollars.But these donations must be coursed through DSWD. Nagpalabas ng directive ang pangulo. Individuals, private companies and other nations were ENCOURAGED to send their donations to DSWD. I blogged about it here and the video of her announcement here.

This PGMA directive sounded suspicious to me then. Now I know why. Here’s the story.

A group of eight people, your ate Ella included, went to one of DSWD warehouses to help in repacking relief goods. We know they need volunteers pero hindi namin akalaing WALANG TAO TALAGA SA LOOB NG WAREHOUSE! As in sa isang humongous warehouse (1000++ sq.m) NA PUNONG-PUNO NG RELIEF GOODS HANGGANG BUBONG, ISANG DSWD employee lang at ISANG SECURITY GUARD ang tao!! Kailangang magpa-register at i-schedule ang volunteering UNICEF Registration (as a volunteer) The warehouse can only take as much as 50 volunteers at a time or per shift. Here you will find that there is a 4-hour shift, and an option for a 6-hour shift for the volunteers to indicate their availability. What “volunteers”? Nasaan? Aside from the 8 of us? Nope, there was nobody there. Bakit kailangan ang scheduling? Feeling hindi ba magkamayaw at nagu-unahan ang mga volunteers? I know somebody who wanted to volunteer many times. She was always bumped off, laging nirere-schedule kasi “there were too many volunteers” daw. At tuwing Sunday lang daw puwede. What the hell is going on here?Nakatambak ang donations ng UNICEF sa warehouse, local and international. Mga banig na dapat ay nahihigaan ng mga nasalanta. Mga imported camp beds na hindi na yata masisilayan ng mga biktima. Mga kumot na hindi naman nakabalot sa katawan nila. At mga pagkaing hindi sumasayad sa sikmura nila.The relief goods are not going anywhereWe arrived at about 8 am and left by midafternoon and yes, you guessed it right. Kami pa rin ang tao bukod sa isang DSWD employee sa loob ng warehouse maghapon. Walang ibang dumating.The relief goods are not moving. By the way things look, they are not going anywhere. Hindi maglalakad mag-isa ang mga donations na ito papunta sa mga evacuation centers.

LET THE PICTURES DO THE TALKING

Note: Pinagbawalan kaming kumuha ng pictures sa loob ng warehouse. I wonder why.“Not a creature was moving, not even a mouse.”Parang haunted warehouse ang dating. May multo na yata.Kahit na daig pa ang tindahan sa Divisoria sa dami ng naka-stack na kalderoAt walang katapusang kaldero pa ulitKahit halos natakpan na ang mga bintana sa dami ng mga kahonKahit umabot na hanggang kisame ang stack ng mga kahon(Close up ng Coleman camp beds sa previous photo) Hindi ito kasama sa ni-repack naming goods. Para sa mga “special victims” kaya ito? Ire-repack kaya ang mga “imported” camp pads na ito ever?Sabagay, may BANIG naman para sa “ordinary victims”. Ito ang kasama sa inimpake namin. Sayang ‘yung imported.Ano kaya ang laman nito? Hindi rin pinabuksan. Pang-special victim din kaya ito? (teka, dito nga pala galing ‘yung mga kumot)Mahiwagang mga kahon from Japan Aid.(close up ng mahiwagang kahon) Hindi rin ito kasali, of course. Hindi namin alam kung ano ang laman nito. “Imported” are not included, we have concluded.Marami ito, mga laruang kasinlaki ng tao. Hindi nakunan ng pic kasi nasa tabi ng sikyo.PORK AND BEANS? Yup, you’d think kasama ito sa relief bag. Pork and beans lang ‘to, puwede na sigurong ipamigay,Naaah! “Imported” pork and beans from Spain po ito. Sorry, hindi pa rin includedNow let’s take a look at what a victim will get from DSWDLook Ma, sampung lata ng sardinas! How generous! Kaldero ang unang ilalagay sa sako. Sabong panglaba (bar soap) at sampung sardinas sa ilalim. Siyam na sabon sa gilid ng kaldero. Local goods lahat syempre.Tapos papatungan ng isang tuwalya at isang pack ng sanitary napkin.Sisiksikan ng tatlong rolyo ng kumot(?) ang blue water jug tapos ipapatong sa kaldero sa loob ng sako.Last but not the least, lalagyan ng dalawang banig.Sabay tatahiin na ang sako. O di ba, parang asong tinapunan ng buto ang mga nasalanta? Eniwey, busog naman sila sa SAMPUNG lata ng Mega sardinas YOU THINK?? WTF is the matter with these people? Mag-iisang buwan na mula nang masalanta ang mga kababayan natin. ISANG BUWAN!! Do you mean “do not delay ang dati nang delayed”?? Shet.Anong ginagawa ng mga donations na ito sa warehouse?? APAT na warehouse ang nasa loob ng compound na ‘yon! APAT na warehouse na punong-puno ng inaalikabok na relief goods! Relief goods na ayaw yata ibigay sa mga nasalanta. Halatang-halata.Marami pang pabubulukinWow! May bagong shipment na naman! At the rate DSWD is moving, next year na madi-discover kung ano ang laman ng mga kahong ito.“The first of two of the largest high-energy food shipments from the United Nations World Food Program (WFP) arrived in the country two days ago for victims of storm “Ondoy” and typhoon “Pepeng.”The biscuits were fortified with essential vitamins and minerals for supplementary feeding to children, pregnant women and the elderly in evacuation camps. Another 100 tons of biscuits will arrive on Oct. 24, in a continuing effort to provide food assistance to flood victims. Sige, ideretso ‘nyo ulit ‘yan sa DSWD warehouse. Para AMAG naman ang abutin ng biskwit… at sapot ng gagamba.ConclusionSa maghapon namin sa warehouse,nakagawa kami ng 150 sacks of relief goods. 150 bags of relief goods lang ang lumabas sa warehouse na ‘yon that day. At nandoon pa rin sa loob ang mga imported relief goods, safe, sound and packed as the day they arrived.Nakisakay kami palabas sa isang DSWD delivery van. Gusto sana kaming ihatid ng driver hanggang Makati pero wala raw siyang sobrang gasolina. Ibinaba na lang niya kami sa gitna ng EDSA. Millions of dollars in donations, walang extrang pang-gasolina.Susulpot din siguro ang laman ng mga mahiwagang kahon at mapapasakamay din ng mga tao…sa ARAW NG ELEKSYON. O mabibili na nila ang mga imported goods na ‘yon sa mga puwesto sa Quiapo at Divisoria.Suggestions lang po sa DSWD:• Alam ‘nyo palang walang mag-volunteer sa inyo, bakit hindi kayo mag-hire ng mga tao? Bayaran ‘nyo ng arawan para mag-repack. Ang daming walang trabaho, makakatulong pa kayo. Hindi naman malaking kabawasan ‘yon sa bilyong pisong donasyon na natanggap ninyo.• Isa pa, gaano ba karami ang mga sundalo natin? Hindi ba puwedeng ipagawa sa kanila ‘yan? Baka isang araw lang, tapos na ang problema ‘nyo• Bakit hindi ‘nyo ibigay ang trabaho sa mga NGO, churches, private charities, TV stations? I’m sure they are more than willing to help. Time is of the essence. Huwag kayong suwapang. Obvious ba, hindi ‘nyo naman kaya.Kung talagang gugustuhin ninyong makarating agad sa mga kawawang biktima ang mga donasyong ‘yon, nagawa ‘nyo na ‘yan. Maraming paraan…kung talagang gusto ‘nyo lang.

You are the government. You have the power, the resources and the money. You just have to really care.

***

WHAT'S GOING ON?

little things mean more.....

i have enough things around me to live. i could only feel rich and content if i will only appreciate the little things that i see and feel and and those that affect my life. they are there for many reasons and my heart is gratified for their presence. i have started celebrating abundance by listing the many positives present in my life and by reflecting on the joys they bring.
Abundance is . . .
a snuggle i feel and giggles i hear at this very moment
is basket full of dirty laundry
is an old-fashioned television
is a broken telephone unit
is thoughts of the many people i miss
is bills to pay every month
is an empty container of hair conditioner
is pay-day in a week's time
is a sink full of dirty dishes
is time spent studying with munchkins
is an updated status in facebook
is photos of people i know and love posted on the web
is a conversation with munchkins on our way home
is fried fish for dinner
is a prayer of grace said on the dinner table
is vanilla ice cream for desert
is work done after 5
is good night said to a colleague
is a seat on a packed bus
is hugs and kisses from munchkins waiting for me
is a cool breeze from the balcony
is the quietness of my place
is the thought of what's in store for me tomorrow at work
is drawings and paper mache craft and crayons on my desk
is a smile from a stranger as I head out for lunch
is mud on my rain bootsAbundance is wilted flowers and trees bereft of leaves
is pennies and nickel in my purse
is voices of munchkins in the morning arguing over something
is rice krispies scattered on the floor
is a walk on damp streets with munchkins to school
is a packed subway train to work
is accomplishing so much today
is hearing the humm of my laptop amidst the peaceful night
is my soft blanket wrapped around me
is a comfy bed to fall into now that i'm tired.
is the loud snore of munchkins sleeping
is a steaming hot choco with marshmallows
is the dark sky spitting wet snow
is a text message from someone i love
is knowing in my heart that every day is always the best day of my life
is the pitter patter of rain on my head
is a decaf coffee on a white paper cup
is legit and junk emails at work
is my desk scattered with opportunities
is a hello over the phone from someone afar
is wafers and a cookie dunked in coffee

what matters most in this life isn't WHY

in the beginning of the new year or before that, people reflect, don't we? i reflect - about experiences, events, thoughts, about people. i reflect in variety of moods and i do that in a place where i can feel my heart is full of grace. i don't have to go so far. a quiet nook will do, in my bedroom. there, my soul can comfortably breathe.

2010 is only a few hours away and i find it's just fitting to resurrect one beautiful song which i have sung many times in the church and other events i attended in the past. i am going to reflect on this once again to know how i am going to incorporate its meaning into my existence. this song stands out in my life because the soothing lyrics speaks right directly to me. i admire people who are strong in faith and are always ready to give gratitude even in times of pain and suffering and without any need to ask "why?" i asked many why's in the past and i consumed a deal of time coping and finding answers instead of just understanding and accepting.

come to think of it, when happiness comes to our lives do we ever ask why?

here's the song.....

WHAT MATTERS MOST IN LIFE
Kuh Ledesma

In your mind you keep asking why
You know you ask too many questions
We're only in borrowed time
And for me you don't have to know all the reasons

What matters most in this life isn't why
But simple things like when one holds your hand
When you're assured that there's someone who cares
Who makes you feel special in so many ways

Why do we keep wanting for more in life
And we keep looking but we don't know what to find
We have so much but are never content
We can't explain the emptiness we have inside

Lonely and lost are what we feel sometimes
Feeling incomplete we just can't understand
Why we want to have some things not meant for us
Why we want to love what never can be ours

What matters most in this life isn't why
Just live your life give the best that you can
Somewhere along the way we will find in time
We can feel complete without asking why

pakpak...

"bigyan mo ng pakpak itong aking diwa,at magagawa ko ang magandang tula;bigyan mo ng pakpak tanang panukala't malilipad ko hanggang sa magawa; bigyan mo ng pakpak ang ating adhika, kahit na pigilan ay makakawala." j.c. de jesus

phenomenal woman

"phenomenal woman" is just one of the poems that i know by heart and i could never get tired of reading. it is a song of women's strength in each of our own womanhood. the poem is haunting in its simplicity. i hope you women out there who haven't read it yet could find a time to read the lines.

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman, That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.

I say,
It's the fire in my eyes
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing of my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman, That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them,
They say they still can't see.

I say
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman, That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.

I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
The palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

from And Still I Rise
by Maya Angeloucopyright © 1978 by Maya Angelou.

metro manila after typhoon "ondoy"

i compiled tanya escaler's photos of a flooded metro manila after typhoon "ondoy". it was heart-wrenching to see the destruction the typhoon had created to the residents. everything happened quickly, that within few hours only, catastrophe had already been terrifying. there were remarkable survival stories, but others . . . . didn't make it.



let's define a perfect arch

“look mommy, rainbow!” my 5-year old daughter prattled gleefully while showing me the multi-coloured picture in the book. as i expected the prattle didn’t stop there so i geared myself to respond to her strings of “what’s” and “why’s” in a simplest but effective way. i sing-sang to her the different colours of the rainbow but she cut me short. i guess she was just eager to know more when she asked “mommy, what is the shape of the rainbow?” “well, it’s like a half-circle, an arch, a perfect arch.” her eyes twinkled but unsure whether or not she understood the arch part, much so with the adjective perfect attached to it.

perfect arch; i love the sound if it. the phrase seemed to have taken on an optimistic tone and it haunted me to a point where i needed to identify every arch-like structures i see and analyze what they mean. but what is a perfect arch? one company which promotes their custom-made window treatments via the internet claimed that they make perfect arches for cellular shades to fit any hard to cover windows. technically speaking, a perfect arch is a half circle whose radius is constant at all points. for the company it’s all about dimensions, and accuracy in measurements. for women, a perfect arch sometimes connotes to vanity. just like when i had my eyebrows waxed and after the procedure the beautician handed me over a mirror and asked if the arch was perfect enough for me. since i did look nice with my new brows i said “perfect!” gave her a tip and left.

the rainbow is just one of the perfect arches i know. it reminds me of one of the oldest stories in the Bible which was that of Noah. after the deluge, God put a bow in the cloud which shall be a token of a covenant between God and the earth. for me, whatever speaks of God is perfect. each time i see a rainbow it steers me back to God’s teachings and it causes me to comprehend more what diversity means; just as the way the seven colours of the spectrum seam together to create one light.

there are more perfect arches in this world to take pleasure in like the arch bridge in niagara falls or the bridges of paris and many more. it can be as concrete as a bridge or as abstract as a rainbow. but the perfect arch that i know has exceptional powers to transform lives by its simple means. an arm of a mother, a father, a friend, or a husband arching around my shoulders infuses a feeling of wholeness in me because such gesture also affects the way i look at the many aspects of life. if you haven’t noticed, we humans arch from our own reality to the other side of consciousness where we can see fully all we have been and will be. and if we continue sharing the perfect arch from within us the invisible between the people who we have been connecting will be conceived and because of that they will never ever stand alone again.

***

he found them. . .

(i left this entry blank for a couple of days. not that i didn't know what i wanted to write. i just couldn't mesh up all the words in my head into one sensible thought......)

his face was a blur to me. i didn't know him and neither did he. i only got to know part of him through your words and stories, through your smiles and laughters and frowns and rantings each time you talk about him. "him" - - your father who imparted you the two sides of life. i couldn't elaborate more on the father-son relationship because i only know bits and pieces of it. all i know, he is your daddy... as you called him, who you wouldn't be seeing anymore, or hear or feel his warmth.

for sometime he was in search of something and he searched in daytime and during the wee hours of the morning. he searched in between pains and anger, in between shallow breaths, in between laughters and groans. in between silence and deep thoughts. and perhaps in between glances at you, his son. he searched it with you whose body was often close to him. and you who smelled his smell . . his fragrance as well as his stench. god knows what was brewing up in his mind and how his condition altered his perspective but anyone of us would know what a father would always wanted for his child. that, in his very soul, could never be changed.

i guess as days wore on and so as his health, the mere thought that one of these days his search would end soon, had somehow made every blessings, sorrows and happiness he received during his lifetime, so intense and clear. perhaps if he wasn't that frail, he could've jumped for joy or sang his appreciation. but it was otherwise. his thankfulness, his life were all wrapped up in silence. . . until he gasped his last breath.

his silence unfolded. his search was over. you might had only seen anguish on his face during his last ticking moments but beyond that there must be something else. . . a smile, a laughter, a comfort to have finally found the pair of wings he wished for. that was his peace.

the passing of a loved one makes us look back and reflect on our own lives for some checks and balances, and it stimulates our mind with sorts of questions. and as i think of you and what you have gone and going through, i got to ask silently these two questions. did he really need a pair of wings? was he the one who needed to fly?

i guess the wings that he found weren't really his... but YOURS.

it's so amazing how his life and death could give you life.

i am ending this blog with a song which you could reflect on.

MY PRIDE

Love in your eyes. Sitting silent by my side. Going on holding hand. Walking through the nights. Hold me up hold me tight. Lift me up to touch the sky. Teaching me to love with heart. Helping me open my mind.

(refrain)

I can fly .. I'm proud that I can fly. To give the best of mine. 'Till the end of the time. Believe me I can fly. I'm proud that I can fly. To give the best of mine. The heaven in the sky

ooOoo

Stars in the sky .... Wishing once upon a time. Give me love make me smile. 'Till the end of life. Hold me up hold me tight. Lift me up to touch the sky. Teaching me to love with heart. Helping me open my mind. (repeat refrain)

ooOoo

Can you believe that you lie down, my way. No matter how that is my birth, I never loose my day ... See me fly. I'm proud to fly up high. Show you the best of mine. 'Till the end of the time. Believe me I can fly. I'm singing in the sky. Show you the best of mine. The heaven in the sky.

Nothing can stop me to spread my wings, so wide.

***

freebies. . . wohoo!

sooo neat! i got freebies given away by a company called lookfab which is based in toronto. i believe the company endorses several beauty products from makeups to shampoos, to lotions, teeth and anti-aging products, shavers and discount coupons. i got to know about the freebies from a work study student in our office who got a bag of freebies when she came back after lunch. hey, if there's something worth getting are toiletries which costs a lot these days. here's what i got. .

a mascarra, a body wash, a shaver and some little samples of face products and shampoos. who wouldn't want freebies especially these days when the cost of living is getting higher and higher.

the products were good tho' especially the body wash which makes my skin silky and the mascarra as well which doesn't clump my eye lashes. they're great and i think i'd continue using them.

gotta go now. . . time to search for more freebies!!!

***

understanding right from wrong

"The mind decides in one way or another, despite itself, and prefers being mistaken to believing in nothing."
Rousseau, The Profession of Faith of the Savoyard Vicar

***

right or wrong. . . who sets the rule?
who determines what is right and what is wrong? is the concept a mere personal opinion?

is this resolved by making a choice?this concept governs us everyday. the world defines a better or a nice person if one does the right deed, say the right word or choose or decide the right thing. everything should be right to make this world a great place to live in. life has to steer towards virtues, values and morality. so in order to gain acceptance in the society it's a must to do everything right. yet still some prefer to stay in the other side of the road because for them, what they do conform to their beliefs and principles.

we exist in an immense moral structure that holds our perceptions. the concept may only have two options yet very extensive that we are often perplexed whether or not to find its sense within the values we set for themselves or from a set of conventional morality. we continue to grope for the truth and perhaps, often question ourselves. . . is there an authentic right and wrong? can we say that right and wrong are universal truths?

as for me, i continue to live my life on a ground created for me by my parents, by my faith and by the society where i belong and by the experiences i gained and people i met through the years. i take and digest matters that only conforms to my systems and values. and, whatever conforms, i remain to filter what i can do and what i cannot do and what can make me happy and comfortable. i live my life depending on what matters to me at a certain moment or what i consider is essential to get through the day, months or years. what are right to me are things that i fully understand. wrong if i find it confusing. right is what i hold as absolute ideals, wrong if it is otherwise.

this is the simplest explanation i could think of. i could expound more tho on the concept but i'd rather leave some for you to mull over.

and it's my special day again

i will stop looking back with regrets or looking forward with fear and give the best I have today.from Dance While You Can by Lance Wubbles

“today” is the day and i'm due for a yearly reflection. the day is mine as well as the hours. saturday is special only today; special for a special "me". i had many good birthdays i must say. there were years that it had been very celebratory, much of it were just calm and reflective and my other birthdays just went by just like any other normal day.

adding a year to my already big 42 transpired without much thrill and anticipation. as always, i prefer the simple and silent which stirs up my ever inquiring and indulging self to the many questions of existence. i did, somehow, plan ahead along with my munchkins who insisted that we hang-out in a hotel, dip ourselves into a jacuzzi and have our meal in a restaurant. i only smiled at the idea and thanked them for trying to help me out think. i ended up not having anything concrete to do even at the last minute or during the day itself. all i know, my birthday is going to come no matter what.

my life has been pretty great; eventful in a good sort of way, tastefully spiced up and seasoned. i both live and exist. i have been genuinely and profoundly transformed by the many life's incidents i face everyday. challenges and events continue to surround me and it's just a matter of choosing the options that best fits me and discarding those i feel will drag me down.

today, i celebrate with gratitude my 43rd year with wings, prayers and promises. grateful for joys and struggles. i will make it a point to nurture the lessons i reaped in to fully blossom and eventually fruit. what i realize as my age increases, i tend to search more for reasons and the more i aspire for purpose and significance in life.

my heartfelt thanks to "you" for always thinking of me and for your messages from across the miles; to my munchkins who circled the number 19 on the calendar and who counted the days until this day - i love the handmade cards which was done with so much fun and effort; to my officemates for the cards and surprise birthday croissants; to my family in manila for their text messages and to my brother and his family in dubai. all of you made my birthday mean so much.

i thank god for this life, my health and where and what i have right now. there's not doubt, i'm a year older again and i'm all out to counting for more if it meant sharing my life with the people who accepts me as i am. i just wish and hope for the time to slow down even for just a little bit so i could relish life piece by piece.

improv everywhere freezes grand central

have you heard about improv everywhere? anyway, here's what i'm going to share.

i find this amazing. improve everywhere rounded up 207 people of various races and ages for an art performance at the grand central station. the "flash mob", mixed in with the other unsuspecting crowds stood frozen, all at the same time for five minutes. one woman stood frozen while eating a banana the other while eating a yogurt, a guy while drinking water, a man tying his shoe lace, another man froze kneeling to pick up the papers he dropped, a pair froze while holding hands and kissing. the positions were all real. the crowds were in awe as if they're in a twilight zone. they were either questioning their ownselves or others to what was happening and how long it has been happening. the driver of the maintenance truck started to feel frustrated and if i heard him right, he radioed for a back up. but the mission was only few seconds away to finish and the mob started to be animated again.

people who witnessed the performance (or prank?) have different things to say. as for me, i felt i was in another dimension. watch the vid below and see for yourself.

april sun

finally. . . the sun! slivers of sunshine on my skin. blinding brightness i haven't seen for many months. but even if i did see the sun during winter days, it just peeped for a short while and hid again behind the clouds. april promises so much; it's my birth month and it's just that too many things happen during april.

despite the sun, cold wind continue to breeze this morning. it's cold enough to wear a jacket and gloves. i was trying to convince myself that it's already spring. it must be spring because i heard birds' playful chirp and greens have started to poke the ground. i was on the bus on my way to work when sunlight falls to my direction which made me squint occasionally all the way to the bus station. and again, because of that, i said to myself... finally, the april sun.

it must be the sun that has got me thinking what was on my mind april last year. i remember i was in a flurry of doing this and that for my summer vacation in manila. i even, for some reason, regarded this month as an "intuitive" month since part of my life has been at some loose ends. the mending and thinking process came in a whirlwind pattern and i remain being drawn to the process. i began going through a very solitary phase in my life two years ago where most of my thoughts, sentiments and experiences go unshared. this month, despite being in a new april which often signifies new life, i still search for "existence" and still have the need to nudge myself in many ways i had never been nudged before and, to learn, as well, my limitations.

the wind became less colder mid-day. it was beautiful so i went out for lunch minus the coat. after a full meal of stir fry noodles and vegetable, i detoured to tim hortons to indulge in a large cup of java (french vanilla, my fave!). with a cup on my hand and heart warming music playing from my mp3, this was just one of the days when i could see myself so fortunate and blessed to what i have, regardless of quantity, and to where i am at now. blessed to have entwined with amazing people and blessed to have a soul with whom I’ve truly ever felt loved and likewise helpless and safe.

just like the april sun which has broken the clouds for the rays to shine through, i, too will pierce through the many hazy days with courage and purpose.

i will end this entry by passages from the poem "april rain" by mathilde blind

The April sun, the April sun,

And in gray shaw and woodland dun

The little leaves spring forth and tender

Their infant hands, yet weak and slender,

For warmth towards the April sun,

One after one.

And between shower and shine hath birth

The rainbow's evanescent glory;

Heaven's light that breaks on mist of earth!

Frail symbol of our human story,

It flowers through showers where, looming hoary,

The rain-clouds flash with April mirth,

Like Life on earth.

***