april sun

finally. . . the sun! slivers of sunshine on my skin. blinding brightness i haven't seen for many months. but even if i did see the sun during winter days, it just peeped for a short while and hid again behind the clouds. april promises so much; it's my birth month and it's just that too many things happen during april.

despite the sun, cold wind continue to breeze this morning. it's cold enough to wear a jacket and gloves. i was trying to convince myself that it's already spring. it must be spring because i heard birds' playful chirp and greens have started to poke the ground. i was on the bus on my way to work when sunlight falls to my direction which made me squint occasionally all the way to the bus station. and again, because of that, i said to myself... finally, the april sun.

it must be the sun that has got me thinking what was on my mind april last year. i remember i was in a flurry of doing this and that for my summer vacation in manila. i even, for some reason, regarded this month as an "intuitive" month since part of my life has been at some loose ends. the mending and thinking process came in a whirlwind pattern and i remain being drawn to the process. i began going through a very solitary phase in my life two years ago where most of my thoughts, sentiments and experiences go unshared. this month, despite being in a new april which often signifies new life, i still search for "existence" and still have the need to nudge myself in many ways i had never been nudged before and, to learn, as well, my limitations.

the wind became less colder mid-day. it was beautiful so i went out for lunch minus the coat. after a full meal of stir fry noodles and vegetable, i detoured to tim hortons to indulge in a large cup of java (french vanilla, my fave!). with a cup on my hand and heart warming music playing from my mp3, this was just one of the days when i could see myself so fortunate and blessed to what i have, regardless of quantity, and to where i am at now. blessed to have entwined with amazing people and blessed to have a soul with whom I’ve truly ever felt loved and likewise helpless and safe.

just like the april sun which has broken the clouds for the rays to shine through, i, too will pierce through the many hazy days with courage and purpose.

i will end this entry by passages from the poem "april rain" by mathilde blind

The April sun, the April sun,

And in gray shaw and woodland dun

The little leaves spring forth and tender

Their infant hands, yet weak and slender,

For warmth towards the April sun,

One after one.

And between shower and shine hath birth

The rainbow's evanescent glory;

Heaven's light that breaks on mist of earth!

Frail symbol of our human story,

It flowers through showers where, looming hoary,

The rain-clouds flash with April mirth,

Like Life on earth.

***