december 16, 2007
mood: introspective
everything except language
knows the meaning of existence
trees, planets, rivers, time know nothing else
they express it moment by moment as the universe
les murray, poet
***
it was vday (again) for me on december 14, the day i spent a night out with my girl friends in downtown toronto . that chilly night, i believe, was meant to transpire, not essentially to hang out in a strip tease club, or a gay bar. it all turned out that there was a need for reassurance from one another and to share insights on what was dragging (some of) us down in our lives: a union in stagnant waters.why vagina monologue? and what is vday? vagina monologue was a play written by a woman (eve ensler) consisting of women who share views relating to the vagina ( sex, love, rape, menstruation, mutilation, masturbation, birth, orgasm) but then the monologue started to include issues affecting women which includes emotional abuse. vday is a movement and v stands for valentine, vagina and victory, linking love and respect for women and girls. having said so, each time I rant and rave or grit my teeth or just simply pour out my guts about relationship with men; i call it a vday.so vday it was for me that saturday morning with other three vaginas, i must say. two ranted and two patiently listened and commented. i maintained an open mind to their opinions. they gave instances of tense relationships which somehow managed to keep upfloat after re-thinking and re-modeling the relationship dynamics or after subjecting themselves to retreats and counselling.at times, i nodded in approval and i also shook my head in disagreement if there was something they said which i absolutely couldn't relate to. my not-agreeing though didn't mean that they were out of line. they know what they're talking about. they are phenomenal women who are very much engaged in all aspects of life.
in this period of rapid development and change, marriage is not being relished anymore but endured by many couples. i am pro to a workable, harmonious and forever marriage and all these can be achieved if a husband and a wife demonstrates equality in a relationship. the level of intelligence or being in the same wave length of interests have nothing to do with this. it is based on the interaction of conduct or behaviour which motions to one partner that a thing was given for something. i always believe in the tenet that "one good thing leads to another." for the sake of this article, i am going to rephrase that to "a deed leads to another deed."
i could make this article as long as i could and lay out all the arguments i could muster and share ideas on what marriage is all about, the "what-supposed-to-be" interplay of a couple and who has the right to do what and to whom and when, but. . . . i am going to skip all of these because all i know. . . .relationship and marriage should always stand on that classic "simple act of loving."
i believe that marriage is forever but can only be a workable institution if the people involved are open and willing and ready to compromise. i still wear my wedding ring; a thing which through the years became one with me or became a part of me. i still wear the ring which means i am still married. . . . perhaps. the meaning though has become fuzzy and blurry at this point. i wear the "band" but i don't feel the "bond". we're still together though, under one roof co-habitating day in and day out and we co-habitate . . . .for the sake of the kids. and that, for me, is not . . . . existence.
this part of my life may be shadowed yet i take this as a reminder that shadows only live from a brighter source.
will never cease searching.
***
copyright bv dec2007
