where there are humans, there shall be dreams

june 8, 2007

i felt my heart again today. that poignant, throbbing heart that rouses me. and so this piece.

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why do we dream? how do we dream? how can we dream clearly? is there a reason? and is there a season? does it reflect a hidden desire? why do dreams sometimes stay and why do they sometimes vanish in thin air? do we dream only to live the dream? or can we just dream the dream? really. . . . . why do we dream?

i dream of what i can and what you cannot or of what you can and what i cannot. i feel what you want and touch what you fear. i search what i should and what you would not. dreams swells through my mind and spread out in my thoughts. i can dream all i want and those that you don't. wish my wishes and what you ignore. strive for wants that you don't want.

i succumb to dreaming and hoping but as a dewdrop hanging on to the surface i have always leaned on to the indescribable sensation of anticipation and sadness. i want my dreams to come true. who wouldn't? but whether or not i could live the dream, i believe that life is about the journey and i should be thankful for having the chance to do so and be happy for all that it is.

i dream of the lies, the eyes and the truths. i reach out to hold the falling stars in my hands for I know the significance of the fallen ones. i dream of dark endless nights that softens me in ardor and passion. and when i dream i clasp my hands and hold them against my frail frail heart while i reach your thoughts, your words, figuring out why you find dreaming a mediocrity and unreal.

what do i dream of? i am now hounding keenly for a deal to reclaim my heart and my brain. i will remain calmly flowing in my dreams, wrestling hard stones with feathers.

how do i dream? do i really know? my soul have already felt some numbness but the more it made me feel alive. i've tasted salty tears from the corner of my lips. i've alredy felt the lovely touch and the satisfaction of loving someone and would like to experience more. that’s how I dream. . . my special being. there remains more to dream, more to find out, more to uncover. my dreams, my fleeting desire - - - i remain remembering how i felt it many months ago. borrowing the words of a poet "so before the ladder to the castle gets broken i will take the sea shell to shore and admire its beauty for the time that is given."

"i now have this choking feeling inside my throat... i guess i have to end this piece now.

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copyright bv 2007

who am i?

i am but sentiments ensnared in a pen; the feelings being tied in chains. yet here in these white pages i bind my spirit; lovingly, wistfully

i am a wave flowing where the ocean will take me, lapping up the rocks; drifting, drifting, i just let myself adrift into dreamless sleep

i am emotion, the joy and the pain. the good and the bad. my inner self screams from where i came. it comes from within me, deep deep down there

i am the truth, not easy for others to see and tell and understand and embrace

i am life; flawed and flawless, yet still a gift

i am death;

i am the morning; leaning on to aspirations. search me in the gentle swaying of the leaves

i am the night; astray. my living crystal bound to be forgotten and denied falling on to the glimpses of my memories thinking and loving alone

i am what I crave, my wants, hopes and dreams clings to me.

i am love; pleasant, the best part in my soul.

i am human and never will get tired to be. my mind is just a process which will come to an end one day.

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copyright bv june52007

imperfect i am

may 25, 2007

i am just a "being" - - flawed, faulty. but a being with complicated choices. those choices didn't come with the "being" when i was born on april 19. they existed only through time and experiences. and so the more complex i became, i started to affix words to them. i started from the simple to something that was not just a writing on the sand but concrete. in my present age, i am proud to say that i now have a firmer grip in life, a firmer footing. the importance of everything around me has matured and became absolutely precious.
never have known by heart or will know all the facts, or be exact in reading motives. i will always find it impossible to be totally objective. expect that i will fail to see, once in a while, "the big picture". i exist in blind spots and ocassionally, i will have blurred perspectives.
and with my imperfect self i will remain to tread, as much as possible, cautiously, on this difficult expedition. and if i fall, aside my own imperfect self to pick me up, from the bottom of my heart, i will be appreciative of the people who will pick me up and continue to walk by my side.
imperfect. . . that is what my life is.
but i am comfortable
because i look beyond those imperfections

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copyright bv 2007