understanding right from wrong

"The mind decides in one way or another, despite itself, and prefers being mistaken to believing in nothing."
Rousseau, The Profession of Faith of the Savoyard Vicar

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right or wrong. . . who sets the rule?
who determines what is right and what is wrong? is the concept a mere personal opinion?

is this resolved by making a choice?this concept governs us everyday. the world defines a better or a nice person if one does the right deed, say the right word or choose or decide the right thing. everything should be right to make this world a great place to live in. life has to steer towards virtues, values and morality. so in order to gain acceptance in the society it's a must to do everything right. yet still some prefer to stay in the other side of the road because for them, what they do conform to their beliefs and principles.

we exist in an immense moral structure that holds our perceptions. the concept may only have two options yet very extensive that we are often perplexed whether or not to find its sense within the values we set for themselves or from a set of conventional morality. we continue to grope for the truth and perhaps, often question ourselves. . . is there an authentic right and wrong? can we say that right and wrong are universal truths?

as for me, i continue to live my life on a ground created for me by my parents, by my faith and by the society where i belong and by the experiences i gained and people i met through the years. i take and digest matters that only conforms to my systems and values. and, whatever conforms, i remain to filter what i can do and what i cannot do and what can make me happy and comfortable. i live my life depending on what matters to me at a certain moment or what i consider is essential to get through the day, months or years. what are right to me are things that i fully understand. wrong if i find it confusing. right is what i hold as absolute ideals, wrong if it is otherwise.

this is the simplest explanation i could think of. i could expound more tho on the concept but i'd rather leave some for you to mull over.

and it's my special day again

i will stop looking back with regrets or looking forward with fear and give the best I have today.from Dance While You Can by Lance Wubbles

“today” is the day and i'm due for a yearly reflection. the day is mine as well as the hours. saturday is special only today; special for a special "me". i had many good birthdays i must say. there were years that it had been very celebratory, much of it were just calm and reflective and my other birthdays just went by just like any other normal day.

adding a year to my already big 42 transpired without much thrill and anticipation. as always, i prefer the simple and silent which stirs up my ever inquiring and indulging self to the many questions of existence. i did, somehow, plan ahead along with my munchkins who insisted that we hang-out in a hotel, dip ourselves into a jacuzzi and have our meal in a restaurant. i only smiled at the idea and thanked them for trying to help me out think. i ended up not having anything concrete to do even at the last minute or during the day itself. all i know, my birthday is going to come no matter what.

my life has been pretty great; eventful in a good sort of way, tastefully spiced up and seasoned. i both live and exist. i have been genuinely and profoundly transformed by the many life's incidents i face everyday. challenges and events continue to surround me and it's just a matter of choosing the options that best fits me and discarding those i feel will drag me down.

today, i celebrate with gratitude my 43rd year with wings, prayers and promises. grateful for joys and struggles. i will make it a point to nurture the lessons i reaped in to fully blossom and eventually fruit. what i realize as my age increases, i tend to search more for reasons and the more i aspire for purpose and significance in life.

my heartfelt thanks to "you" for always thinking of me and for your messages from across the miles; to my munchkins who circled the number 19 on the calendar and who counted the days until this day - i love the handmade cards which was done with so much fun and effort; to my officemates for the cards and surprise birthday croissants; to my family in manila for their text messages and to my brother and his family in dubai. all of you made my birthday mean so much.

i thank god for this life, my health and where and what i have right now. there's not doubt, i'm a year older again and i'm all out to counting for more if it meant sharing my life with the people who accepts me as i am. i just wish and hope for the time to slow down even for just a little bit so i could relish life piece by piece.

improv everywhere freezes grand central

have you heard about improv everywhere? anyway, here's what i'm going to share.

i find this amazing. improve everywhere rounded up 207 people of various races and ages for an art performance at the grand central station. the "flash mob", mixed in with the other unsuspecting crowds stood frozen, all at the same time for five minutes. one woman stood frozen while eating a banana the other while eating a yogurt, a guy while drinking water, a man tying his shoe lace, another man froze kneeling to pick up the papers he dropped, a pair froze while holding hands and kissing. the positions were all real. the crowds were in awe as if they're in a twilight zone. they were either questioning their ownselves or others to what was happening and how long it has been happening. the driver of the maintenance truck started to feel frustrated and if i heard him right, he radioed for a back up. but the mission was only few seconds away to finish and the mob started to be animated again.

people who witnessed the performance (or prank?) have different things to say. as for me, i felt i was in another dimension. watch the vid below and see for yourself.

april sun

finally. . . the sun! slivers of sunshine on my skin. blinding brightness i haven't seen for many months. but even if i did see the sun during winter days, it just peeped for a short while and hid again behind the clouds. april promises so much; it's my birth month and it's just that too many things happen during april.

despite the sun, cold wind continue to breeze this morning. it's cold enough to wear a jacket and gloves. i was trying to convince myself that it's already spring. it must be spring because i heard birds' playful chirp and greens have started to poke the ground. i was on the bus on my way to work when sunlight falls to my direction which made me squint occasionally all the way to the bus station. and again, because of that, i said to myself... finally, the april sun.

it must be the sun that has got me thinking what was on my mind april last year. i remember i was in a flurry of doing this and that for my summer vacation in manila. i even, for some reason, regarded this month as an "intuitive" month since part of my life has been at some loose ends. the mending and thinking process came in a whirlwind pattern and i remain being drawn to the process. i began going through a very solitary phase in my life two years ago where most of my thoughts, sentiments and experiences go unshared. this month, despite being in a new april which often signifies new life, i still search for "existence" and still have the need to nudge myself in many ways i had never been nudged before and, to learn, as well, my limitations.

the wind became less colder mid-day. it was beautiful so i went out for lunch minus the coat. after a full meal of stir fry noodles and vegetable, i detoured to tim hortons to indulge in a large cup of java (french vanilla, my fave!). with a cup on my hand and heart warming music playing from my mp3, this was just one of the days when i could see myself so fortunate and blessed to what i have, regardless of quantity, and to where i am at now. blessed to have entwined with amazing people and blessed to have a soul with whom I’ve truly ever felt loved and likewise helpless and safe.

just like the april sun which has broken the clouds for the rays to shine through, i, too will pierce through the many hazy days with courage and purpose.

i will end this entry by passages from the poem "april rain" by mathilde blind

The April sun, the April sun,

And in gray shaw and woodland dun

The little leaves spring forth and tender

Their infant hands, yet weak and slender,

For warmth towards the April sun,

One after one.

And between shower and shine hath birth

The rainbow's evanescent glory;

Heaven's light that breaks on mist of earth!

Frail symbol of our human story,

It flowers through showers where, looming hoary,

The rain-clouds flash with April mirth,

Like Life on earth.

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